Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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