I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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