Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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