why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
