I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
