Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
