peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
