The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
