Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Randomize
