I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I want to make a zoo with you.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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