dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
