I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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