I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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