so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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