if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
