wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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