3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
