Barsexuality is the new black.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
