things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
