He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
