dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
You can't special order awesome
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
