I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Randomize
