I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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