I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
