She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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