This girl is more easily done than said...
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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