Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
