You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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