Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
