I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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