So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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