what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
