i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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