3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
