i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
