and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
