oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I am one with the molecules
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
