Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
