cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
