He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We need a shit load of segways right now
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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