He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Randomize
