hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just cut my nipple shaving
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
