So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
