fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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