Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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