Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
