Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
