Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
