i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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