just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
