it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
