She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
