Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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