i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I need moral support for this bender
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
