Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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