I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
