I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
