I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
