I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
