Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
